I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize