Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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