those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
