i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
