thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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