I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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