the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize