I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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