This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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