I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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