You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize