I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
