I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
