even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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