I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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