girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
