Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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