I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
