i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
