oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i now understand why vodka
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
