dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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