I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
