he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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