physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
