okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
