I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
