i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
