i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
