Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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