Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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