Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
