please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
