ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
