I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
