he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
one two three fourrrrnication!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
