I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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