I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then he tried to convert me to islam
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
