Who wears a wallet chain?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
