She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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