Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
