can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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