How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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