sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
