We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
