I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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