it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
