youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
