i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
