butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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