There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize