There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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