The maid of honor just puked.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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