Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
