OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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