Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
