i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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