Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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