pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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