Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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