dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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