I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
