Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
