I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
In America we eat man semen.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
