K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have started to decorate penises.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love you.
Bad choice
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
