He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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