Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
