so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
